Greg Kinnear: Why Does He Exist?

Today I was talking about Talk Soup with someone and we were talking about how it was so much better when it was about smutty talk shows. Then we got to talking about all the hosts the show has had. One of us mentioned that Greg Kinnear had hosted before. The whole way home I was thinking about Greg Kinnear and his career. Has the man ever made a movie that has you walking away from it like “Greg Kinnear, man. That guy is good!”??? You never really walk away hating him either. You never catch yourself saying “Man, I can’t stand Greg Kinnear. That guy sucks!”

Obviously these are just my own opinions, but this is weird. I pulled up his IMDB page to take a look at all of the movies he’s been in. I can’t say that anything really stood out to me. I mean, there are some good movies in there, but none where I would of even remembered he was in. Plus I think it’s weird that his face is in a constant state of:

One of three faces Greg Kinnear can make.

He never really seems to play a character. He usually plays just a guy who does stuff and knows people and has stuff to say sometimes. Sometimes he’ll use some subtle sarcasm and place a smirk on his face and then the credits roll. He has 46 roles to his name, including his tv spots, and the guy hasn’t had a real stand out roll. This whole thing freaks me out. This picture of him also freaks me out:


Maybe if he had a beard…

If he never became an actor, would the world of film be different? There are other actors like this. First that came to mind was Bill Pullman, but now that I think of it, he was in Casper the movie and that movie was AWESOME and he was a ghost in it at one point, which pretty sweet.

I don’t know that it looks much like him but as a kid I totally knew it was Bill Pullman’s ghost. Can you imagine if Bill Pullman was a ghost that haunted you? Better than Devan Sawa or whatever the hell that kids name was. I suggest that M. Night Shamalamadingdong should write a movie where Bill Pullman’s ghost haunts Greg Kinnear and the twist ending is that Bill Pullman isn’t really a ghost, he just got sucked into Greg Kinnears mind via some sort of vortex like in Being John Malkovich. Then Greg Kinnear goes into his own vortex and experiences the same outcome as when John Malkovich did it.

Malkovich Malkovich? Malkovich.

Except they will all be legit male Greg Kinnear’s but they will be in a constant state of arousal. And in this world where only Greg Kinnear’s live, they have no option but to have sex with one another. All sorts of Greg Kinnear sex. Then when he wakes out of this vortex, he is gay for Bill Pullman and they get married.

And boom! Hollyweird will be knocking at my door some day. Where did this all start? Oh yeah, Greg Kinnear. Weird guy.